It appears that each time I complete a blog post it sets me off in a new direction....who knew I had so much to say??? Well, to be honest, I did, but never thought anyone would care to listen!!! I guess that's the good thing about writing a blog, you can say what you want, put it out there and just tell yourself others are listening....whether it's true or not doesn't really matter, it's the delusion that keeps one going! After all, it's normal to want to be heard, normal to want to be acknowledged for who we are, normal to want to have our ideas considered, normal to want to have our opinions validated...It's NORMAL! Don't most of us want to just be "normal"???
Is that true? I don't think so, at least not for me. I remember as a young child( before the age of six) I actually believed I was more than "normal", I believed I was "special". I just instinctively knew that I was born for Greatness and that Life would be easy. I was told by my Father that I could be anything I wanted to be, do anything I wanted to do, and I believed him! He was my Daddy after all, and MY Daddy wouldn't lie. I was told I was beautiful and thus the world "was my oyster" (whatever that meant)! Everyone seemed to love me, things came easily for me and I just expected it to always be so.
Then when I was six, things began to change. I learned that being "the pretty one" was not as desirable as one would think. Though I knew my Daddy loved me because I was pretty, had a pretty voice, etc.... unfortunately, because I was pretty, other's took advantage of me in ways a child should never know. So suddenly, the thing that made me special, had become a double edged sword. I had so identified with my "being the pretty one" in the family of three sisters, that I struggled to maintain that identity but not let it make me stand out to the one who used it against me. I suddenly didn't want to be so special, I just wanted to be normal, so "he" couldn't hurt me again.
From that point forward, my world changed, I learned that what I thought made me special was now also something that could cause me harm. It was in the time between the ages of 6 and 7 that I went from being "the pretty one" to being "the chubby one". I instinctively knew that to protect myself, I needed not to be as pretty, yet to maintain my place within my family, I needed to stay focused on "the pretty'. I struggled to hold onto that identity because I thought that is what my family wanted me to be (what can I say, I was just a child). I didn't know my family would love me, no matter what.
As I struggled to be special yet not stand out too much, a new facet of my being became apparent that made me do just that. One night I woke from a dream crying because my Uncle Joey, my mother's beloved baby brother, had died in a car accident. I was so upset that it took my parents a long time to calm me down and convince me it was just a dream. About an hour later the call came that changed our life... the call asking my mother to come to the Hospital because Joey had been in a car accident. By the time my father got her to the Hospital, Uncle Joey was already gone. This was just the beginning of my dreams that foretold of one dying before my parents got the call. There were many that came after this...this new development made it kind of difficult to not stand out.
My parents dealt with these dreams in part because my mother had similar experiences as a child. It wasn't until I started "Knowing" things that my parents told me not to tell people, they would think I was "crazy". This surprised me, because I thought it made me kind of special. My parents words taught me that my being different, somehow made me wrong.
As I got older, I struggled with trying to fit in, to be "normal". Yet somehow, I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. In school I had friends, but was never really included in "the group". When I started working, I was different, so many kept me at a distance. Even in my family, I felt like an outsider. My two older sisters took similar paths in life, I went in the other direction. They had husbands, homes to decorate, important jobs with BIG titles, and me, I was working in a grocery store, single (always single), and lived with a roommate. So when we'd all get together and they talked about the intricacies of furniture, or the responsibilities of their jobs, me, I had nothing of substance to add to the conversation. I wanted to be included (as I always did when my mom and my sisters would talk) so I might talk about my nails, or my outfit, or my makeup because, after all. I was "the pretty one". Though really it was simply because I knew they wouldn't understand what was going on in my life, it just didn't fit in with theirs. Yet again, I was different.
For many years, my being different was a problem. My family worked so hard to help me "fix" my life, yet they told me to live it as they would. The problem was, I wasn't them. I was different...actually, each of us were different. We each made choices that were unpopular with the other family members. Though, by far, my choices were overwhelmingly the most unpopular! Hey, at least I was consistent! LoL
I didn't make choices to "buck" the system, I made choices that felt right to me. I knew I was different, I always had been, in others minds that may have been a bad thing, but in mine, it felt like me. Different was all I knew...it was who I was, who I had always been.
As the years went on, I decided that, despite what others said, it was ok to be me. I had failed so many times trying to be like others wanted me to be and I just didn't want to do it anymore. Not sure what the catalyst was that forced me to understand my own Truth...most likely a series of events and epiphanies that resulted in my finding the Light within. Yet in doing so, I realized what I knew as a child and somehow buried along the way was still true; we are all born to be EXTRAORDINARY.
Suddenly I realized that what made me special, what makes all of us special, is the fact that we are all different. Each created to be individuals, to stand out for our own special gifts (as we all have them), and to be loved for our uniqueness. God created us to Live Life EXTRAORDINARY!
So in each day I now wake with Gratitude for the person I am. I strive to listen to my intuitive voice as to how to live my life which, by the way, is still much different than what my family might want for me. Yet for once, I am comfortable in knowing what is best for me. I am comfortable in knowing that I am finally exactly on the Path that I was meant to walk. I am comfortable in me!
I will be the first to tell you that who I am and what I can do (I am a Psychic Medium) is not "normal", far from it. From where I sit, it is quite extraordinary! As I told you before, I have always known I was born to be special, and it wasn't until I tried to be "normal" that my troubles began.
I promise you, I am no more special, or no more extraordinary than you...the only difference might be, I have learned to be proud of who I am, and to strive every day to be the best me that I can be! So to those of you who may be having some of the same struggles that I had, I encourage you to be true to you. You cannot live life as others live theirs, because you are not them. You are an individual, walking this Earth, in your own time, learning your own lessons.
So my advice to you, if you were to ask, is simply this, find a way to connect to The Light that is within your self, let it illuminate your path and Let Your Light Shine!
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