"Happily Ever After", the promise of a perfect life. From the time we are young we are conditioned that in order to live life "Happily Ever After", we need to fall in love and be part of a "couple". From the very beginning, we are inundated with images of life as a couple. It's every where in our day to day life: in our homes, in our bedtime stories, on television, in magazines, in music, etc., etc. We are helpless to escape the conditioning of "two" vs. "one".
A child's first exposure to the world of "couples" is their parents (or at least that's how it was in my day). After all, they are our first role models so naturally we want to emulate who they are. Then there are the stories we hear; "Cinderella", "Snow White", "Sleeping Beauty", all of which tell us "Happily Ever After" only comes when "one" becomes a part of "two". Then their is TV (everyone has a love interest), in print ads, in Movies, etc., etc., it all seems to revolve around us living Life as "two" instead of "one". Even in the Bible we are shown how two is preferable to one...You do remember Noah right? ("and then they came, two by two")!
As we grow, the propaganda continues. Life just seems to be set up for those who come as two...School Dances (Who's your date?"), then their is Homecoming "King & Queen". Now if that isn't enough, then comes Prom (Junior and Senior). In my day, no one would ever consider going to Prom solo, or with friends. Thus if you didn't have a date, you didn't go. Even amusement parks rides are set up two by two...not fun when the ride operator yells with annoyance, 'Is there any other singles???" and then when there isn't you are asked to step aside.
Then in college, the first question you are asked when you come home for break, "Do you have a boyfriend". After that, it becomes less a set up and more so an assumption. Friends start getting married and the invitation reads +1. God forbid you don't have a plus one, because then the table sitting is thrown out of whack! As your friends become couples, they stop inviting you to the movies or dinner out, because it's more fun "with another couple".
Try walking into a restaurant solo, you are immediately seated, but usually in the back, by the kitchen, even though you have walked by many open tables up front. Restaurants even have discounted "dinner specials for two", so now there is even a monetary price for being single. Oh and let's not forget the Holidays that just naturally seem made for "TWO": Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, and let's not forget, New Year's Eve. There is nothing worse than being in a crowd of people on New Years Eve at midnight and being the only one with no one to kiss!
I remember being a little girl and being told that, "because I was pretty the boys would be tripping over themselves to get to me" or "you'll probably the first to get married at 18". I was five at the time and adults were telling me this, so naturally I believed it to be true. Imagine my surprise, and disappointment, when it wasn't.
I had my first "boyfriend" at the age of 5...he was actually my sister's boyfriend, but he was fickle. Then at 6 there was the neighborhood boy who gave me my 1st Kiss. Of course both of those stellar romances only lasted a day or two, so even though they made me feel special at the time,I suppose they do not really count. My first "long term" boyfriend was in Middle School...that lasted an entire week (hey, in 7th Grade it's a Life time)!
From that point forward, my life became fairly solitary. I was different than most of the girls in my class at that point in time. Though young, I had a fairly voluptuous figure for a 12 year old. Remember, that was back in the early 70's, before all the hormones in the foods that has created a generation of young girls "in a woman's body".
As you might expect, being voluptuous did draw a lot of attention, but unfortunately it was not in the least bit positive. The girls in my class made fun of me for being "fat" (I was 5'3, 133lbs and was a 36B...I wish I had realized that I was far from fat), and the boys, so not to ostracize themselves from the others girls, went long with it. That was until we were in the back of the Science Lab and the Teacher shut off the lights to show a movie....I hated those movies, as they always involved fighting off multiple boys with wandering hands. As boys will, as soon as the lights went on, they started to make fun of me again.
I didn't fair any better in High School. I went on two dates my Junior year in HS. After my second date, he dropped me off at a slumber party and my friends made fun of me for dating him (he was a Play Geek, so I was I). When he asked me out again, I said "No", not because of him, but I didn't want to give anyone another reason to make fun of me. Two weeks later, he was dating the hostess of the Slumber Party! Because he was the only guy to ask me out, I never got to go to Homecoming Dance and I never went to Prom. I did get to live the Prom experience vicariously through my sisters, as both went to multiple Proms. Unfortunately, I never got to pick out a dress of my own.
Thankfully High School ended, and I was hopefully for the possibilities to become "two" in College. Sadly, that didn't work out so well. For a period of time my Sophomore year, I was a couple, but only briefly. After that experience I quit school, mostly because I hated it, but partly from a broken heart (drama of youth).
Both my sisters dated throughout High School and married in their early 20's. I was happy they had become "two", though a little sad that they had left me alone as "one". Once they married, I slowly felt secluded. They were always doing things together as "couples", and felt like I was left on the outside looking in. I am sure it wasn't their intent, though even if it was, it would have had more to do with who I was at that time vs. the "couple" I wasn't.
I didn't really become "one of two" until I was 41. Not to say there weren't men in my life before then, as there were, just not any I could call my own. At the age of 25 I fell head over heals in love with my boss, who came in and out of my life for the next 15 years. Unfortunately, he was married to someone else, and thus, because he was already part of a couple, we could never be. A year later a couple guys came in my life and stayed briefly, but unfortunately, I could never be part of a couple with them, because I was still in love with "him". And so the story goes...
As I ended my 20's,I found myself a single mom, and for the next five years did not date anyone. When I finally decided to date, I realized I couldn't bring anyone into my daughters life that wasn't going to stay (a choice so she wouldn't be hurt if it didn't work out), so the options became slim to none.
At 41 I met the man who finally made me "One of Two"...I was thrilled to finally really be a part of a couple. The best part was spending time with the person who was my best friend. Our first year together we did all the "couple" things, dates, dinner for two, Valentine's Day, New Years Eve (though we included our children in this one) and we became engaged! Then we got married, to live "happily ever after". Unfortunately, the marriage didn't last, and 4 years later, I was once again "single".
Two years later I threw myself into the on-line dating game and can tell you that after 51 First Dates, I had learned what I didn't want in life, but still hadn't learned how to be "one of two". Yet never one to give up, I kept trying.
After many more dates, some of which were enough to hold onto for a third or fourth, I have finally decided that living Life as One is not so bad. I have learned not to settle for less than I deserve, thus will never settle again just in hopes of becoming "one of two". I will no longer wait to do things just because I don't want to do them alone. So I've stepped out in Faith and finally decided to live this life as it's been given to me, not as society tells me I should.
So don't be surprised when you see me eating dinner out solo (though not by the kitchen, as I have learned to ask for a better table). Or taking a long drive to Sedona, or the Grand Canyon just to enjoy the view. Be sure to say "Hello" when you see me by myself taking in the latest at the movie theaters. As for weddings, I will attend with my +1, but don't be surprised if it's one of my girl friends vs. some guy who's there to fill the void. When you see me on New Years and ask me how life is treating me, you know my answer will be "Happily Ever After"!
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