OH CRAP!!! You mean to tell me it's all MY FAULT!?!?

There are many moments in life that are significant: your birth, the loss of your first tooth, your first day of school, your first kiss, getting your first bra (really guys, it's a major one), the day you pass your drivers test, first day on a new job, graduating, the moment you realize you are in love, putting a key in the door of your first home, seeing your child's face for the first time...just to name a few.  All significant, all important, all impactful yet none more so than the moment you realize that where you are in life, good, bad or indifferent, is exactly where your choices have led you to be (if you are anything like me your immediate response might be something like "OH CRAP!  You mean to tell me it's all MY FAULT!?!? DANG!!!")!  Yes, that's exactly what I am saying, though I'm not sure "FAULT" is the word I would use..."Choice" seems more appropriate.

OK, take a deep breath; calm down and read on....

It can be overwhelming at best to face the moment where you finally take ownership of the fact that your choices have led you to this exact life. I imagine especially so if your life isn't nearly as good as you hoped it would be. Of course, if it was what you expected or better, you might not be so overwhelmed by the realization of your full contribution to it. After all, it's much easier to pat yourself on the back for achieving your goals, than it is to accept that you missed the mark more than not.   

Now please know that I say this not from a place of judgment of others or even of myself, but rather from a place of joyful experience (yes, I said "joyful" but more on that later).  Having recently come face to face with the reality of my life (not the made for TV version) I have had to accept the fact that where I am is in direct correlation with each and every choice I have made. Admittedly, there use to be the desire to "blame" someone else for that which is less than perfect in life, but the inescapable reality is simply this:  I AM THE CREATOR OF MY LIFE...WE ALL ARE!"  Where we are today has nothing to do with whether or not our mommy held us,  whether or not our daddy was present in life, whether or not our siblings liked us or not, whether or not we were picked on as a kid, whether or not the mercury was in retrograde at the time of our birth (well, maybe that one might have had a slight impact), it has to do with the choices we've made.  In some instances the choices may have been based on an external factor, but it truth, the choice was still ours to make.  Not sure about you, but I can honestly say that, "I am perfectly OK with that!"

I can tell you that many would look at my life right now and say, "What do you mean you are OK with that?? Your life is a mess!"  I admit, if I choose to measure my life by their standards, I cannot deny the truth of that statement. Using societal standards of success, my life is a mess.  I'm a 55 year old woman who is living more like a vagabond than a so called "responsible" adult.  If I choose to allow their views to dictate my life, I'd probably be suicidal right now (thankfully I don't).  Now this is not to say that the judgment of others doesn't effect me, it does (people can be cruel and unkind when in judgment mode); It's not to say that I don't wish to have a home of my own, I do... It's to say that, despite my current state of lack in the material, I am living "joyfully" from the Light within.  In other words, despite what others say or think about me, I realize I am so much more than my current circumstance shows (We all are!)! 

Despite my homelessness, I am happier with who I am in this very moment than I have ever been in my life.  I am good with the choice I have made to walk fully in my Faith and do what I have been asked...Did I mention I am a Psychic Medium who channels the Universal Energy?(Ok, for those of you who just went into judgement mode, shake you head and muddle through to the end please).  I am more at peace in the upheaval of uncertainty that my circumstance creates than I have ever been before, simply because, I know that the woman I have become is the person I was born to be.  For the first time in my life I am owning the Truth of myself, and in doing so, changing the way I view the world. These choices have lead me to finally utilize my gifts in helping others as only my abilities allow and, in doing so, I am able to have a positive impact on the life of others. That truly is a Joyful place to be in life.

Please understand, this is not to say that I do not have fear, I do, but I also have a Faith beyond my understanding. A blessing unforeseen. So I am choosing to walk fully in that Faith, and embrace what each day brings.  Despite what my circumstances may be, I have truly become the best possible version of me!